i am on spring break this week, from subbing. i am so happy to have the break, to spend time writing and creating and working on my portfolio and job searching. but i'm so tired from and of subbing. i worked the most i've worked so far last week. the only day i took off was to work on my job search/portfolio. and i think a lot of the students' attitudes came from being ramped up for spring break--very anxious and antsy and definitely not interested in the woman who is giving them busy work. one of the days was okay, but the rest were trying, and certainly annoying.
i find that i have a much harder time gaining the respect of students when i'm subbing in a class where the regular teacher is male. i think it's a difference in classroom management styles. i hope it's that, and not them seeing a female as less of an authority in a position usually occupied by a male. the half day at the middle school was the worst. the first class was so out of control that a teacher next door came in and lectured them, AND the assistant principal had to come sit in the class for awhile to get them to calm down. it made me feel kind of like a failure, that i couldn't get the class under control. i got the next class to do their work completely silently for the first part of class and rewarded them with allowing for groupwork at the end. i hoped that the assistant principal would come by the class to make sure i was okay and see that i was capable of managing a class. the rest of the week at the high school i had to deal with a lot of attitude from students who got mad, really MAD at me because i wouldn't let them leave the room whenever they wanted, or expected them to actually be quiet while taking a test! i was called a bitch multiple times, and on friday a student told me that a student from the day before had called me a cunt, which i didn't hear. and of course, i overheard multiple groups of students trying to decide if i was a lesbian.
i'm sick of it! i shouldn't have to put up with being treated like this. i always leave very detailed notes for the teachers, so they know just what their students think they can get away with. i never hear what happens. except i got an e-mail the other day from a teacher thanking me for grading all the tests, and that he would deal with all the students that gave me problems. one of them told me the next day (in a different class) that he had gotten in a bunch of trouble. good! i'm so sick of these teenagers thinking they can be so disrespectful to substitutes just because they're not their regular teacher, and that they can get away with it! i was in an 8th grade class for three days, and it wasn't until the third day when students that had gotten in trouble with me were like, "yr not going to tell Mr. H about this, are you?" uh...YEAH I AM.
it's exhausting. i have to keep reminding myself that it will not be like this when i have my own class. next week i'm going back to marquette to the history department's awards dinner, to get recognition as their student teacher of the year, and i don't feel deserving, because i feel like so ineffective as a substitute. but maybe it will serve to remind me that i AM a good teacher, that i really DID have a lot of fun teaching. that this is really what i am MEANT to do.
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