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[icon] took mystery as her lover
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Subject:Summer!!
Time:10:19 am
I have been so busy lately, it's bizarre. Somehow 30-40-hour work weeks, visits from both sets of parents and their significant others, and the emergence of my social life all happened within the same two weeks. What up? It's nice having friends to spend time with, and exploring new parts of the U.P. with family--and some parts of the U.P. I've seen before, but it's just nice to be out of the city and completely ensconced in nature. Not that Marquette isn't ensconced...there was another bear sighting last week in town--eek! I saw my first bear in the wild two days ago, camping with my mom.

But this summer is a beautiful whirlwind, even if I haven't had time to do some work with the women's center like I wanted to. I'm trying to have as much fun and relax as much as I can, because come August, I'm going to be stretched thin and completely overwhelmed again, once I start student teaching. I'm getting all I can out of this summer.

Official song of summer, 2009: "Hey World (Don't Give Up on Me)" by Michael Franti.
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Subject:Quotes from the last two weeks.
Time:12:00 am
Robert: "You look like a stripper."
Me: "That's just what every grrl wants to hear. From her boyfriend. Who doesn't really like strippers."


Me: "You're my Deal or No Deal."
Robert: "You're my Howie Mandel."
Me: "Did you just propose?"
Robert: "No."
Me: "Oh, I always confuse being called Howie Mandel with a marriage proposal."

There were a couple other really funny things that Robert said, but I can't seem to remember them now.
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Time:10:59 am
I haven't been writing in here much lately, because everytime I try, I end up just whining. Between being overwhelmed with two crazy back-to-back semesters (seriously, who's idea was it to cram a three-months-semesters worth of work into a one-month summer semester?), and being lonely and homesick, I haven't had much time to do things that I enjoy and that make me happy.

BUT NOW! It's summer, my classes are over. I went home last weekend and spent time with my family and friends. Now I'm in Escanaba, spending time with my boyfriend who was out of town for two weeks, getting out of my house, hanging out on another of the great lakes. I like kind of feeling like I live on two of the great lakes. I don't really live here, but I visit semi-often, and where ever robert is kind of feels like home anyways. We hung out on the beach last night, it was beautiful out.

Other good things:
+I'm working on another zine. checkered past 15. It's been three years since I put out issue 14 (very little time for hobbies, and I made two other zines in the intervening years), and I miss doing Checkered Past!
+I love reading for pleasure. I'm reading the Prestige, which Robert lent to me, and I just bought Black Men Built the Capitol. It's so interesting! And the layout of it gets the teacher inside of me excited because it's perfect for students.
+Robert is adorable.
+I FINALLY got my student teaching placement! At the middle school in Ishpeming.
+My dad and his wife gave me a kohl's giftcard to start out my teaching wardrobe. I went the other day for the father's day sale, everything was 15-30% off, and I had an additional %15 off everything coupon. I got $290 worth of clothes for $150. what thrifty shopping! and i got a ton of professional, yet stylish clothes.
+Robert has two bunnies living in his yard and his neighbors yard. And they're not that scared of us, so I can marvel at their cuteness everytime we leave the house.

yay life!
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Time:02:19 pm
i feel so inspired today. in a way i haven't in so so way too long. a mixture of saul williams' poetry in the movie slam nation and attending a class on the civil rights movement. and i sit here, burdened by lesson plans and papers and presentations. it's nice today. i don't want to stifle this inspiration, no matter how swamped down i am. i'm going to the lake!
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Time:09:32 pm
what is going on in my life right now? well, the boyfriend graduated in december, got a job in escanaba to stay in the area for a bit until i graduated and we could look at moving outside of the u.p. to find real jobs. i have two summer classes to take, and then i student teach in the fall. when asked where i would like to be placed, my first response was escanaba, because after living together for a year and a half, only seeing robert on the weekends sucks (as much as i do enjoy the independence of living alone). i was told there was a 90% chance i could get placed at esky high. great, right? well then the reality set in. of having to leave marquette, for good this time. of having to live in escanaba. i mean, it's still in the u.p., and it's still on a great lake, but superior is so much cooler than lake michigan, and there really is nothing to do in escanaba. really. but i accepted it, and looked forward to moving in the summer, rather than the winter, which would be nice (and not motherfuckingcold), and moving into robert's huge, quiet apartment, and working at a school that was a short, flat bike ride away. my new neighbors in this apartment building are kind of annoying, it's never really quiet here anymore. now i can't wait to move out of this building.

and then, i was informed that escanaba and gladstone (next door to esky) declined me as a student teacher. i don't know if it had anything to do with me, or it's just not a good time for them to have a student teacher right now, but whatever. and now i'm actually kind of bummed! i had tried so hard to pysche myself up for moving that i was starting to look forward to it. and now i'm bummed about it. i have to stay here, in this annoying building, stay apart from robert for longer, both of us were going to save money if i moved into his apartment down there, and the school they're trying to get me in to is not realistically bikeable. and now i'm having to re-pysche myself up for staying in marquette. because i do get to live here longer, i don't have to leave this lake, and there's more culture here, and better restaurants (no thai food in esky!). and on one hand i was really excited to leave me job, but now that i'm probably staying here, i can still work a shift or two at the hotel on the weekends. so, i'm stuck there longer, but on the bright side, the money will pay for my food at least.

but i haven't heard anything back for sure yet. so i'm not positive i will be placed in marquette. most other people know where they're being placed. i'd just like to know where i'm going to be working and living in august.
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Subject:good things!
Time:08:52 pm
+i'm so in loooooove.
+after three weeks apart and less than 24 hours together last weekend, i had a great, long weekend with robert. lots of REALLY good sex (like, seriously, how was it possible for our kissing to get more intense?), really good food, and a lot of necessary shopping.
+the housekeeper at work had surgery last week, and she's totally taken me under her wing as her adopted daughter and is always giving me food, and bringing me stuff she's baked, so I baked her brownies last night. And today I called her to tell I was dropping them off on my way home from work, and of course by the time I got to her house, she had baked apple cake to send home with me, and gave me a box of pasta and a giant bag of oatmeal.
+pringles are addictive. robert and i (oddly enough) got addicted to them in scandinavia. (i totally spilled half a container all over the train platform in nassjo. it was obnoxious)
+i'm teaching econ and social studies classes this week at a catholic middle school. i created a lesson on american capitalism and consumerism (i'm showing the section on consumption from www.thestoryofstuff.com), and the african experience under european colonialism. woooot! i'm totally not nervous, which is odd. i've been hanging out in the classes i'm going to be teaching, and have had some practice teaching in my methods class.
+i've seen kathryn a few times recently, which has been nice.
+it feels really good to be bellydancing again. the teacher's nice, but she's not crazy like my last one, i miss her.

a couple minuses:
-my manager was being such a baby today, because he actually had to clean up his own mess (after he left it there for two weeks). he was so pouty, and he didn't actually clean it up, he just spent five minutes moving it out of the way, and even at that, he dragged his feet and put it off for 3 hours, and then groaned when he actually did do it. and got super pissed that my coworker actually told him to clean up his own mess. what a baby! it's pretty funny, actually.
-shopping for bras totally sucks.
-neighbors are annoying. last week it was the neighbor across the hall's cat (that she's not supposed to have), being kept in the back hallway, outside the door which is right by my bedroom, meowing and waking me up in the middle of the night, or too early in the morning on the one day of the week that i get to sleep in. last night (when i had to get some sleep because i had to work at 6:30 in the morning) it was the people above me's puppy, constantly running all over the place on my ceiling.
-that's it, everything else is good!
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Subject:Operation: Rebuilding my Soul
Time:05:07 pm
Done:
-Dragged my ass our of the house to go to the Vagina Monologues.
-Copied and assembled zine that was two years in the making.
-Signed up for bellydancing class.

To-Do:
-Start worm composting.
-Go for at least one hike in the snow per week.
-Type out next zine.
-Start going to bingo on Thursdays (I would be doing this this week, but I have to work. I also need to do some internet research on bingo...I'm not sure if you have to supply your own stamp or if they lend/rent them out or what.)


click-clacked on my typewriter the other day:

I feel like I have been dancing around my gender for the last two days. Well, not necessarily dancing around it, so much as...experiencing it. Usually my womanhood passes along, a phenomenon I rarely notice, take for granted.
Last night I went to see the Vagina Monologues. It was the first time I saw it live, though I read some of it years ago. I balked at the note from one of the directors who claimed that she's not a feminist. Why do people feel the need to point that out? Can't you just love vaginas? But, actually, I don't think you can love vaginas--I mean really love, appreciate, revere, not just "love pussy" like some asshole--without being a feminist. And anyways, being a feminist really only implies that you think women deserve equality. But only some people are proud to admit that. I spent an hour listening to stories about vaginas, some inspiring, some heartbreaking. I yelled "CUNT" with all the other ladies in the audience, and felt powerful. I came home and cried for the women I love who have been abused and assaulted. I came home and meditated on my own years-long journey to orgasm.
I started bleeding today. I am doing what I always do on my period: watching the gilmore girls, eating chocolate and drinking tea. I spent the early evening listening to alix olson. I rejoiced in her song which re-wrote the stories of historical female figures and fairy-tale princesses in order to make them whole persons, not cut from anyone's rib. I went through a box of my old stuff my mother brought me and found a tube of my grandmother's red lipstick. I can only remember one occasion when I wore red lipstick. I put it on and marveled at how it accented my short, dykey haircut. I looked hot. Red lipstick, I never would have imagined. I tried to put eyeshadow on, too, but the droopy eyelids I inherited from my other grandmother prevent it from being visible. I feel female, and strong, and not because the lipstick fits in some gender role that I rarely abide by. But just because I am woman. Hear me ROAR.
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Time:11:59 pm
last week, the heat shut off and it got down to 49 degrees in my apartment.

now, it won't shut off, and it's 88. it's almost as unbearable. i don't know how i'm going to sleep tonight.
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Subject:update in list form.
Time:09:57 pm
-friday we went to the dogsled race downtown. methodists gave us hot chocolate.
-i love winter events in the u.p. next weekend i'm going to the outhouse races in trenary for the first time.
-i really need some friends. like, bad. but i have no idea how to make friends.
-the heat turned off for like 20 hours last week and it got down to 49, but since it turned back on, it's been between 76-79, eventhough it's set at 67, it just doesn't turn off. i excercise inside in the winter a lot, but i can't because it's too hot. so i feel sloughy and restless.
-sloughy is probably not a word, but i think it perfectly describes the feeling i have.
-my eczema is really bad on the insides of my elbows. robert said i'm really cute when i deny drug abuse.
-deb at work's mom has been dying this week of cancer, so paul and i have been working all of the shifts between the two of us (and my boss worked two days). tomorrow will be the tenth day in a row that i've work.
-i worked 47 hours this week, on top of full time school and a heavy classwork load. i'm utterly exhausted and i've barely been home. i can't keep up on the dishes and everything in my life is piling up.
-i don't even get paid overtime because my boss refuses to pay overtime, and she just banks the extra hours for another check. it's totally illegal. she's lucky that we all like her so much we don't turn her in. i feel like such a bad syndicalist.
-robert is out of town for three weeks on training for work. it sucks. next week is my spring break, and i'm just gonna be sitting alone at home, catching up on lesson plans. life is kind of crappy right now. and extremely lonely.
-seriously, i need friends.
-how do you make friends?
-i moved here a year and a half ago, and i've made like, two half-friends, and the only real friend i have here is someone i knew from grand rapids that moved up here. and i barely see her.
-lesson plans suck. but i'm excited about the unit i'm working on, about american empire.
-i'm way behind on everything. i'm only mildly behind on homework, but i'm ridiculously behind on everything else in my life.
-okay, this list has just turned into complaining.
-i'm gonna stop.
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Time:09:25 pm
the people that live upstairs fight about once a week. screaming, swearing at the top of their lungs, "there's the door," that sort of stuff. they've done it the last two days. right now, except for weekends when robert's here, i'm the only other person living in this building. i sit here, downstairs, alone, listening to this angry noise, and there's nothing i can do but sit and listen and feel tension and fear build up inside my chest. it makes me feel like i'm 15 again. or, hell, 13, or 10, or 6. that feeling, of being in the next room and having to listen to people scream at each other, pretty much characterizes the entire part of my life where my brother and parents lived in the same house. and one fight when my brother lived in my dad's basement, and one when my brother was visiting my mom and i. helpless. small. scared. tense. i hate this feeling, this environment. i hate feeling trapped. and 6 years old again.
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[icon] took mystery as her lover
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